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Parent and Teacher Cooperation - Bridging the Gap

Most teachers would like to have more parent involvement from the parents of all the children they teach. Time at school is limited - there's only so much you can pack into one day - and new requirements are added every year. Children need the involvement at home to get the one-on-one attention necessary to really boost reading abilities and skills in other areas. But for children who have developed some sort of school problem, parent cooperation becomes essential. School problems fall into 4 mail categories: aggressive/disruptive disorders; attention problems; Learning Disabilities, Intellectual Deficiency, and other educational handicaps; and internalizing disorders, such as school phobia, anxiety, and depression. Many children have a combination of more than one of these problems. The percentage of children with school problems may very from 2-30%. Some schools have a lot of resources to deal with these problems and others do not. In either case, a plan that includes teachers and parents working together will have a much more positive impact than one based on one-sided efforts.

Many parents and teachers have preconceived ideas about each other that only serve to hinder the communication. Negative attitudes toward each other often lead to "stand-off" situations where nothing is accomplished for the child's best interest.

Here are some things that I have heard in school meetings and in meetings with parents in my office that could hurt the relationship between the parent and teacher. A parent might say, "I'll have to fight to get the school to do anything for my child." In most cases, the school personnel are genuinely interested in the child's education and have the best interest of the child in mind. Parents may not understand the formal referral and paperwork process that can take an extensive length of time to get the appropriate placement or plan for the child. Due to long delay, parents may assume that the school is not interested in helping the child. This delay may be just as frustrating for the child's teachers, but is often inevitable for the formal process to take place. Schools are on a tight budget, but by law will not deny a child services that has been identified as needing help.

Another comment often heard from parents is, "That teacher hates my child. My child is being treated unfairly." It may be true that there is not a good match between the child and the teacher, or that a teacher actually has some biases toward the child. However, in most cases, the child may be painting an unrealistic picture about the school situation. Children with certain disorders have trouble accepting blame, making up stories that are not true, or accurately perceiving verbal and nonverbal cues from teachers. Some children - especially if they are bright - learn to manipulate the teacher and their parents against each other in order to stay out of trouble. Close communication between the parent and teacher can help alleviate problems such as these.

Several times I have heard this comment from a teacher: "Those parents don't care about their child's education." This may or may not be an accurate statement. The child's parents may not have completed school themselves or may have difficulty reading themselves. They may not have the skills necessary to help the child with their academic needs. Another possibility is that the parents want to help but do not want to teach them "the wrong way" to do something, or interfere with the methods being taught by the school.

Another comment I have heard teachers make is: "They expect me to teach the child discipline - this should be done at home." In some cases this may be true. However, in most of the situations I have encountered, the parents are just as frustrated with the child's behavior at home. They may have tried all the methods of discipline they know without having any success. At other times, the child may not have any behavioral problems at home, but may have severe difficulties at school. In these cases, changes could be made at the school to help modify the behavior as it occurs, or information may be needed to find out why there is a problem only at school (i.e., school phobia, social anxiety, attention problems).

Children will rely heavily on their academic background to help them succeed in life. When parents and teachers can overcome differences and work together as a cooperative team, the child's education needs can become the main focus.